.The Necessary Steps.

Life.
There are so many things to learn, so many ways to learn them.
Ever since I was little I wanted to be something of great importance. I wanted a good job, to get married, have lots of kids, and just to be happy.
This dream was something i just always imagined would come true. The thing that I didn't take into consideration is the fact that I have to work for it. A good job isn't something that you can just walk into any place and get, you spend years earning it. Marriage certainly doesn't come easily. That seems to take more work than anything. Kids, obviously, come after the whole marriage thing. Add all of these things together, and hope it brings you happiness.

Being six, it was so easy to draw a picture of your dream house, write a list of all the qualities you want your husband to have, and name all of your 8 kids that your going to raise. It seems that all you have to do after that is wait. I wish this were true. Life comes at you fast, there are more heartbreaks than you ever would have thought. You think you can do it on your own, but life is way harder than you expected. This isn't a story about how hard my life is, or how much I want to give up, no, this is a story about the reality of things. How your dreams of a prince and princess happy ending are gone after high school. The moment your step foot out of your parents home, knowing that you won't come back for a long time, you realize that this is it. This is the true beginning of your life.

          It took everything I had not to fall apart in my dads arms at 4:00 in the morning when I left for college in Idaho. I wanted so badly to just be ten again, or crawl back into my crib and cry until I was held. I knew the road ahead of me was going to be a long one, full of mysteries. I was never one to stop before I reached my full potential, so I knew that college was the next step, a necessary step.

That first night in my new apartment, I prayed so hard that I could find out who I was. I wanted to be able to walk out the door everyday and be confident that I knew where I was going in life.
I found a bit of a second wind in me, I was free! No more waking up when my mom wanted me to. No more tedious chores, or tasks of driving my siblings everywhere. I could do what I want and when I wanted to do it. I was my own person. It was nice, for awhile.

The more time I spent doing what I wanted to do, the more time I missed doing what my mom wanted me to do. This was no coincidence. My mother spent the last 19 years of my life drilling and carving things into my brain that I could never shake. I had a built-in conscience that my mom gave to me. I started going back to the basics. I can tell you, parents know what they are doing. They don't give you all these rules and expectations for nothing, it's how you become who you are.
When it comes to the whole marriage thing? Someday I hope, maybe at least part of my happily ever after will come true. I know the road to happiness is a long and hard one, but it is necessary. It shapes who you will become. It will teach you how to step outside, knowing where you are going, and how to get there. The journey awaits, but that is just the beginning.

They're Mine, and I Love Them .

It seems like forever since I have posted a blog.
I am now in my second week of college, I like it. I have more advanced classes and I can feel my career being slowly but surely shaped into what I want it to be.
I miss my family greatly. I would spend endless nights staying up until all hours with my little brother watching funny movies, and playing video games. We would tell stories that would have us both laughing until our stomachs hurt, and we could talk for hours, about the dumbest things.

My little sister and I would have weekend sleepovers, and "sister time". Our fun runs to lime berry, and walmart never got old. Our new found indulgence is the chocolate malted crunch from Carl's Jr, which Emily cannot pronounce and calls it "Choka moka chunk".

My mom and I would talk about anything and everything, she is one of my very best friends, and she is the one person that I can talk to about just about anything. I know that my secrets are safe with her.
My dad is my daddy, what else can I say. I love him more than any man in the world. If I was having a bad night then he would help me to fall asleep, even if he didn't say anything at all. He is the one person that could make me cry, just by hugging me, because it would be the last time I hugged him for a long time.
I miss my family more than anything, and I will be taking advantage of going home, and spend every minute with them.
I am extremely blessed to have the family that I do. I am out here in Rexburg for my freshman year, but I am not alone, I have my older brother and his wife to help me with anything I need. Everywhere I go in my life I have my family just a few steps behind me.
If I could tell everyone one thing to always remember, it would be to hold their family close and never let them go. I would never trade my family for anything, and I can see the tender mercies of Christ working their way through my life, just by hearing that ever-so sincere 'I love you' come from each member of my family.

"Families will be together forever". This is the greatest blessing I have ever been given.

~Life As A College Girl~

I have to say, even though there are a lot of times where I wanted to give up, I still held on, and learned all that I could. When you move out of your parents house for the first time, you might feel like you have a lot just thrown at you. The important thing to remember is that you need to stick to the basics. Remember what you learned your whole life, and don't change just because you can.
Here is a list of a few things that I learned this semester, not academically related.
1. It only takes one bar of soap for a semester
2. Don't go outside with wet hair when it's below freezing
3. If someone asks you your ring size, they may not be joking
4. Nobody is going to ask if you want a ride, only to kidnap you
5. Go to bed early, you accomplish nothing staying up all night
6. If a two liter can't keep you awake, go to bed
7. Watch what song lyrics you sing aloud, people might get the wrong idea
8. You can't live off of cereal and pretzels
9. Call your mom at least once a week
10. Don't turn down a date, it's bad karma
11. If your class is across campus, don't wear heels
12. You can't turn ANYTHING in late, it's not high school
13. Your life isn't over if you stay home on a Friday night
14. Being the nice person is way better than being the hated person

15. Spend more time reading your scriptures than on facebook

There have been a lot of good times, tears, laughter, anger, love, sadness, and blessings. I was extremely blessed to have such amazing roommates.

RaeLynn was my very first room roommate. I learned a lot from her. She taught me about the importance of including people in everything, and being the bigger person. She was always so diligent in her scripture study, prayers, and homework. I looked up to her, even if she didn't know it.

Becca was across the hall from me. She was my go-to girl. We went on TONS of horkley's runs together, and we would sit up late at night drinking hot cocoa and laughing at the dumbest things. She kept me on my toes and she helped me through a lot of my own trial. She was even the first one to stalk me on facebook! I will extremely miss her living across from me, but we will blow things up and attack people wit silly string while being on a caffeine high sometime in the near future.
Tara was in the room down the hall. She and I would talk about anything and everything. She made me laugh SO much. We would go out to dinner a lot, and just have a girls date. She loves T.V. more than anyone I know! American Idol, Glee, Secret life, Bones, and so much more! (=
She is most definitely Justin Beiber's BIGGEST fan, and David Archuletta. Oh how I love that girl.

Jessica stayed in the same room down the hall. I didn't see a lot of her because she was busy working, while being off track. She and her boyfriend Chad are the cutest couple! They need to get married soon (= She would always bake, and cook, and make our apartment smell so good! She was the sunshine of the apartment.

The semester of winter 2011 was a good one, well played I would say. I a ready to bring it on with my soul sister miss Ashley Kate, next spring term. BRITTASHLEY <3

So, as I've said before, BRING IT ON, I'm ready (=
Farewell Winter, Hello sunshine!!

.My Bucket List.

This life may have a lot of trials, but a way to relieve yourself of the pain of those trials is to do what you want to do. There are endless opportunities, it is our job to grab hold and shape our lives how we have dreamed.

This is my Bucket list..

1. Travel to Africa
2. Go snorkeling
3. Sail a boat
4. See a pyramid
5. Ride an elephant
6. Hold a baby monkey
7. Go on a cruise
8. Fly overseas
9. Meet someone famous
10. Volunteer abroad
11. write a book
12. learn to play the guitar
13. have my fortune told
14. Go to every state
15. Sleep on a mattress on the beach
16. Go to an opera
17. Visit the Holocaust museum
18. Walk with the Egyptians
19. Bake a giant cookie
20. Spend a day doing nothing but watch movies
21. Go star gazing in the desert
22. fly first class
23. Tell everyone that I have ever hurt, that I'm sorry
24. Get married
25. Have children
26. Attend general conference
27. Sew a dress
28. Go dancing on a boat
29. Kiss someone in the rain
30. Stay in a hotel in New York
31. Throw a surprise party
32. Learn to dance
33. Hike through a rain Forrest
34. Be a vegetarian for a month
35. Learn how to do a cartwheel
36. Learn a magic trick
37. Pray with a different religion
38. Teach a child to walk
39. Read the Book of Mormon in a day
40. Make 10 new friends in a single day
41. Make a bag
42. Make food for the homeless
43. Go to England
44. See a Japanese Cherry Blossom
45. Walk to great wall of China
46. Drive stick shift
47. Dance with a different culture
48. Create a website
49. Be in a commercial
50. Rescue a stray
51. Go para sailing
52. Go deep sea fishing
53. Adopt a child from another country
54. Stay up all night long
55. Fall in love

Just so you know, I am planning on doing all of these things before I die, I will cross them off as I go. This isn't a wish list, this is something I will do. Life isn't so you can Just sit around all day, you need to do something with it, make it amazing, and live it to the fullest.                                         

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."

-Joe Lewis

His Love For You Is Evident

Words cannot express the feelings of the heart. Sometimes when you want to stand on top of the world, and tell everyone the feelings that you have, the words just won't come. This is the time when you need to stop, and pray. Thank your father for the blessings in your life, even if only you can feel them. God has promised us so much, he loves us with a never ending love that we cannot break. No matter what we do, no matter where we go, God will love us the same, it is pure, unconditional. We are never alone, even if it seems that everything in life is going wrong, and we struggle to find even one thing to feel grateful for, we will always have someone to turn to, who is just yearning to help us. The way we take this, is our own choice. We can either allow him to take us with open arms, or like many, we might wait until we need him with every fiber of our being. I am not perfect, I have my flaws, but I try to give him all of me, and not wait until their is no more left of me to give. I want to always have him by my side, and never let go of his loving hand. When the days are long, and the nights come short, I feel myself pleading "Oh Savior, stay this night with me". My heart can break, but he can put it back together for me, with no question. I am extremely blessed, as is each of us, to have someone like him to be our shepherd in these days of trouble. Please, don't walk alone, you don't have to. Ask, and you will receive. These words I take from the very bottom of my heart. This is my Prayer, my wish, and my testimony.

                                                     "He answers privately.
                                                      Reaches my reaching.
                                                      In my Gethsemane, Savior, and friend.
                                                      Gentle, the peace He finds
                                                      For my beseeching.
                                                      Constant He is, and kind.
                                                      Love without end."

~Letter To Me~

If I could write a letter to myself and send it in the past 7 years, this is what it would say-
My dearest Brittney,

Life is full of opportunities, it is your job to take full advantage, don't let experiences slip through your fingers. Your going to be starting middle school, in 8th grade. You will have a hard time fitting in, but please don't worry, it is nothing compared to high school. When you first start wearing makeup, try to not put so much on, especially the foundation, you have beautiful skin, you don't need it. Don't spend so much time concerning yourself with Michael, he won't ever like you back, he's a good guy, just not for you.

When mom and dad tell you that you can't go to the 8th grade dance, don't fight back, it's overrated. P.s. they let Zach go, so obviously they will eventually think the same way.

High school is going to be hard, but don't worry, just do all of your work, and find out who you are. Life isn't all about high school, not even close. You will learn important lessons, but the most important ones you will learn when you are graduated. Never be late to Ms. Simon's class, she will never forgive you for it. Sophomore year, your going to fall in love for the first time. Don't spend so much time on this boy, he is great, but by the time you turn 17 you won't even talk to him anymore. So instead of staying up all night on the phone, go to sleep, do your homework, and spend more time with your family. You don't need a boy to verify your worth, your priceless, and you should never let someone tell you differently.

Brother Wadsworth is an amazing teacher, learn all that you can from him don't slack off, and memorize all of the scripture mastery's. Seminary will build onto your foundation, and it will keep you strong.

Junior year, you will meet someone who you think you will be with forever, let me tell you now, you won't. Don't let this fool break your heart, or you will not forget it. High school relationships are not as important as you think. They are just for fun, don't worry about always having a boyfriend, you honestly do not need one, no girl does.

Senior year, this will be your best year, you will blossom in so many ways, and your spirit will grow immensely. Your grades will be high, and your confidence never ending. When you graduate, get more sleep the night before, so you don't leave the senior all night party early.

You will run into some things near the end of the year that you never thought you would have to face, I have to tell you, please don't forget who you are. God loves you so much, your parents love you so much. You will have a lull, you will be bored for a few months, before you leave for college, but do things that will build you up, and will build up the people around you. Quit Taco Bell, find a job where you don't smell like taco's every time you leave.

Most important, Mom is always right, and she knows everything, so don't try to hide anything from her, it doesn't work, trust me. Say your prayers, and be a good example to Emily and Zach. Just remember who you are, you turn out pretty good. I love you! Good luck, and don't ever ever ever give up.

P.s. Learn how to play the guitar! You get one for Christmas in 2009.

.Imagine.

Imagine walking through the dark, you don't know where you are, of how you got there. You can feel the ground under your feet, it's uneven, almost rough. you can smell the air, there isn't anything clear, but it's a fresh smell, your out in the open. You can hear noises, animals? You can't be sure, there is too much distraction with the faintly blowing wind. You take a few more steps, the ground changes, your feet get wet. Then you realize that not only are your feet wet, but your ankles, your knees, your thighs. Then it's too late, you can't breath, you panic. Before you know it, your completely submerged in water, but your breathing becomes steady, you start to swim, but how? Your heart is racing. Then before you know it, your standing in the sun, your wearing your favorite clothes, your happy, you can see your family running to you, but they never get closer, almost, further away. They need you, you need them, but they cannot reach you, you cry out to them. You start to give up, but as softly as snow on a early winter morning, there are flowers everywhere, their scent is so sweet, you want to lie in them all day, you can see people trying to get to the flowers, but you start to fall asleep.Suddenly your thrown down a giant mountain of sand, your falling and falling, and when you reach the bottom, your not alone. There is someone there, he is kind, his face is like a child's, but his voice is fatherly, gentle, comforting. You both stand, he embraces you like a long lost friend, you allow the tears to come, and he wipes them from your eyes. He gives you a note, kisses you in the cheek, and leaves. You feel safe, but lost. You open the note, and it's says "The greatest lesson in life isn't where your going, but what you learn along the way". That's when you realize that your eyes have been closed to the beauty's of life. The Forrest where you first started, that's where you journey began, you were thrown in over your head, but you didn't panic because we were given what we need to get through every trial. You came to join your family, but it was you who needed to make your own steps to run along with them. There is such beauty in life, and sometimes you find yourself surrounded by flowers, but if you stop to smell them, fall asleep, You miss out on bringing other people to appreciate them.  here a little, there a little. So God sends you somewhere where you must learn for yourself, life isn't about where you are, but it's about what's around you, and what you do with your life. Give all that you can, and learn from the beauty around you.

The Beauty You Possess

Sometimes when we look in the mirror we see ourselves differently than other people do. we see every detail, good and bad.. Mostly we see the bad. As young adults in society it is hard to love ourselves because of all of the people forcing us to judge ourselves, to change, to conform to the standards of what they think is "perfection". One thing we need to do is stop and think about what is most important, and it's not what other people think of us, but what we think of ourselves. We don't need to change our looks, they are not what's going to determine our eternal outcome. Beauty comes from the inside, we were taught from such a young age what is more important, what really matters. It saddens me to see children and teenagers these days focusing so much on the way they look, clothes, make-up, shoes, etc.

They aren't seeing the beauty in life, but the beauty in what they wear, and how they look on the outside.

When I was in high school I could see so many sad faces of young girls who could not escape the everyday torture of comparing themselves to other girls walking down the hallways. They wanted so badly to be beautiful, to feel beautiful, if only they were to open their eyes. They have so much potential, and they don't realize it until someone would tell them, and even then, they still could not believe.

I want to speak to every young woman who has ever felt this way. I know what it feels like to think that you are not pretty, that everyone is judging you, that your not important enough; this is the biggest lie I have ever told myself. Know your beauty, make your features shine, and not just your outer beauty, but inner as well, the gifts that God has given you, you have so much potential. When you feel that the world hasn't given you enough, just remember, God loves you, your family loves you, and I love you. You deserve the world, and nobody can take that away from you. Sometimes we need to be reminded, but the constant reminder should be from yourself, because what you think of yourself is the most important opinion out of everyone in this world. Remember who you are, and never let that go. Live Love Laugh, this is true beauty.

 "Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting"

Gift from God

We were born with instincts. These are what we live off of, they define who we are. For men, they seem to have more protective instincts. For women, we are more centered on our motherly instincts. We all dream of that day when we will hold that tiny body in our arms. We treat others how we want would treat our little ones. When we see someone in need, or want to be there for someone, we immediately feel an immediate unconditional love for them. A woman's greatest calling in life is to bring children into this world, and raise them to be the future, this is something we hold with great pride. I have heard men talk about how they have nothing but great respect for pregnant women, how they are absolutely beautiful. Being a mother is one of my greatest dreams, I am just waiting for the day that I will be able to be married and start to bring God's children into this world as my own.

My mother is such a wonderful example to me of how to treat your children, she never missed a single baseball, volleyball, football, swimming, wrestling, track, concert, or cross country event. She would wake up at six in the morning to make lunches for us, and see us off to school. She documented every experience in our lives with her avid scrap booking. I see her as someone who would fall off the end of the earth for her children, and I admire my mother greatly. All of the women in my life are people that I can learn from, they are amazing examples to me, and the type of mother I want to be.

There is nothing that could take all of the pain away like looking into the eyes of the innocent child that you have created. This may seem like such a cliche wish and dream, but being a woman, I could never ask for a better gift from God than a child.

Tender Mercies

The way God works is magnificent. He will leave us little gifts here and there, sometimes we will recognize them, and sometimes it takes us a little while to realize that we have been blessed. Three years ago when I was in seminary my teacher gave us a challenge. He asked us to start a new journal, one that is designed for only one topic, The tender mercies of Christ. He wanted us to pay special attention throughout the day and see what stood out to us as special, significant, and what we considered "lucky". I took on this challenge, I wanted to test it to see how God blessed me in secret ways. I noticed what a huge difference it made in my day, I was looking for the positive in everything, because I was looking for it. Sometimes we think that one bad event can ruin a whole day, but if you look for all of the blessings that follow, you can see that God loves us so much that he wants us to be happy, so he sends his angels to comfort us. Yesterday my roommate called me while I was walking home from class, she was in a minor panic because she had lost her wallet, and she was supposed to leave for the weekend, and she couldn't leave without it. As soon as I walked in the door I was helping her look for it, but it was nowhere to be found. As she was about to give up and leave without it, I asked if she wanted to pray, she did. When we were done I suggested we look in her car one more time. We left and as we were walking I saw some garbage bags that were sitting in front of someones front door, I decided to take it to the dumpster for them because it was on the way to my roommates car. As I bent down to get the trash I heard someone say "Hey! I have your wallet!" We were puzzled as to where this was coming from. Then a girl walked out of her apartment with her wallet.

That was such a small thing, but because we were doing everything in our power, and we relied on God, our prayers were answered. This is a tender mercy that I know was given to us to teach the importance of prayer, and service. My testimony has grown because of these mercies, and I would challenge everyone to stop and recognize the ways that God blesses us.

"where love is, There is God also".

Unspoken Words

People go their whole lives seeking the right words. They spend endless nights dreaming about what they would say. However, when the moment comes to speak, the words do not come. They are stuck in a hindrance that seems impossible to overcome. Until you walk away. You are lost in a whirlwind of words that you wish you could have said, but the moment has passed, it is undeniably too late. Why do our minds freeze when it seems most important that we know what to say? Life is funny in that way, it gives us a chance to change. We cannot go through life saying 'what if' or 'if only i would have..'. We have so many opportunities to fix what we have broken, to find what we have lost, that is where the true beauty in life comes from.

This is what has been in my mind lately, I see so many people I know and love passing through my life and I do not say what is in my heart. I have never met a person that I haven't learned something from, so why not tell them? I have so many unspoken 'thank you's' sitting on the tip of my tongue. Sometimes I cannot find the words, and when I walk away I can feel every unexpressed word finding their way to my mind. Sometimes I wonder why I care so much about saying the right words, but then my mind goes to the Savior. His lips where a never ending stream of praise, to each of us, and to God. He was the ultimate example of not leaving words unsaid. Even his last words were "they know not what they do"..How amazingly perfect. I love my Savior and I wish to be like him and say the words that are meant to be spoken. God did not give us a voice so that we can be silent. We are meant to be mouth pieces of the Lord, but also our own communicators. My goal in life is to speak my mind, let the words flow, we cannot understand each other unless we say how we feel.

Sitting in the middle of a chaotic room, seeing so many people who seem to be so happy, but you know that there is something on their mind that they want to say, my advice, say it. Love can be expressed in words, for some people it is the best way to feel it.

This is my wish, to say what I need to say. To be able to walk up to you and say what is deep in my heart. For now, I will work on using my words to express how I feel, and express how I feel about you.

 "One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter"
-James Earl Jones

~My Heart Will Go On~

Love, what does this mean? There are so many different ways to love someone. My definition might be different, but that's because it's unique, it's mine, how I see love. You might catch me using some song lyrics, but that's because I find music to be emotion grabbing, and heart lifting.

   When I was a little girl I saw my future with that special someone riding up on a horse just like prince charming, or singing me to sleep with his guitar and his voice that melts away every worry of the world. Now that I am older,  I know that fairy tales rarely come true, but that is because we need to create our own.We need to ask ourselves "when will you let your heart decide?". We cannot wait around for what is 'popular' or the 'ideal romance', that is what makes love so beautiful, we make it unique, and special.

  It's the little things that count. When you are sad, or you feel like nothing will help, but then he reaches down and moves your hair and says "I'm gonna be here for you baby". As women, we want to be loved, we want to be noticed, and we want love. I see so many people going through life with disappointment, and loneliness, but they have as much of an opportunity to be loved as each of us do. You cannot sit and wait, you MUST be part of the rush of the world, show everyone who you truly are.

     Money, fame, or popularity cannot be put before love. It is such a huge key element to this life, like the other main essentials, we need love. God sees us for who we truly are, and he will give us someone who will complete us. 'Love can touch us once and last for a lifetime'. Love... The most important feeling we can find. We must hold onto that feeling, and never let it go.

There's a story of a girl

I decided to start a blog, because I have a lot to write about, I want to give people a place where they can truly get to know me from the inside. My name is Brittney Hewson, I am 19 years old, and I attend BYU-Idaho. I am 5'9'' and I have strawberry blonde hair. I worked at Taco bell for two years, and I loved it! People say fast food is the worst, but it's what you make of it. I made friends and lost some, but most of all I learned a lot of very important life lessons from working there.
My family consists of six, my mom and dad, my brother Matt, Brother Zach, and my little sister Emily. I have an intense passion to meet new people and learn about them. I want to go into Psychology because people interest me. They are all so unique, and they each have something that they can teach me. I can help people, by using my own thoughts, and reading deeper into the thoughts of others.
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints(Mormon). The church is my rock and foundation, I cannot live without the church, because it defines who I am. Everyone has a colorful past, but it is who we are today that really counts. I can be the best friend you have ever had, as long as you give me a chance to get to know you, and you get to know me. You could say i'm an independant girl, I don't rely on a lot of people, but I would rather be with people, then be alone any day!
this is just a short preview of me. I hope I can write meaningful things, to help you and to help me.
Lots of love,
Brittney Ann Hewson