.The Necessary Steps.

Life.
There are so many things to learn, so many ways to learn them.
Ever since I was little I wanted to be something of great importance. I wanted a good job, to get married, have lots of kids, and just to be happy.
This dream was something i just always imagined would come true. The thing that I didn't take into consideration is the fact that I have to work for it. A good job isn't something that you can just walk into any place and get, you spend years earning it. Marriage certainly doesn't come easily. That seems to take more work than anything. Kids, obviously, come after the whole marriage thing. Add all of these things together, and hope it brings you happiness.

Being six, it was so easy to draw a picture of your dream house, write a list of all the qualities you want your husband to have, and name all of your 8 kids that your going to raise. It seems that all you have to do after that is wait. I wish this were true. Life comes at you fast, there are more heartbreaks than you ever would have thought. You think you can do it on your own, but life is way harder than you expected. This isn't a story about how hard my life is, or how much I want to give up, no, this is a story about the reality of things. How your dreams of a prince and princess happy ending are gone after high school. The moment your step foot out of your parents home, knowing that you won't come back for a long time, you realize that this is it. This is the true beginning of your life.

          It took everything I had not to fall apart in my dads arms at 4:00 in the morning when I left for college in Idaho. I wanted so badly to just be ten again, or crawl back into my crib and cry until I was held. I knew the road ahead of me was going to be a long one, full of mysteries. I was never one to stop before I reached my full potential, so I knew that college was the next step, a necessary step.

That first night in my new apartment, I prayed so hard that I could find out who I was. I wanted to be able to walk out the door everyday and be confident that I knew where I was going in life.
I found a bit of a second wind in me, I was free! No more waking up when my mom wanted me to. No more tedious chores, or tasks of driving my siblings everywhere. I could do what I want and when I wanted to do it. I was my own person. It was nice, for awhile.

The more time I spent doing what I wanted to do, the more time I missed doing what my mom wanted me to do. This was no coincidence. My mother spent the last 19 years of my life drilling and carving things into my brain that I could never shake. I had a built-in conscience that my mom gave to me. I started going back to the basics. I can tell you, parents know what they are doing. They don't give you all these rules and expectations for nothing, it's how you become who you are.
When it comes to the whole marriage thing? Someday I hope, maybe at least part of my happily ever after will come true. I know the road to happiness is a long and hard one, but it is necessary. It shapes who you will become. It will teach you how to step outside, knowing where you are going, and how to get there. The journey awaits, but that is just the beginning.